Showing understanding is also a sport

Writer: Jazz Komproe

As a human being, you often need to be able to put yourself in others' shoes. "Look at things from a different perspective" or "just put yourself in their shoes". Generally, this is a good thing, we learn more about the people opposite us by doing so. Whether it's why your neighbour always parks his car badly, or why the bus driver didn't say good morning when you walked in. By taking a moment to look at the situation from a different angle, such events seem a lot less annoying. Putting yourself in others' shoes prevents conflict and creates space for understanding. 

Yet there is one context where showing understanding is a lot harder, social debate. After all, now it is not about a small part of your day, but about issues that affect the whole of society. Yet it is precisely these kinds of big topics where understanding is often sought, especially if you are fighting for change. After all, you have to get the people who are in the way with you too, and of course you don't do that by 'throwing reproaches'. Just think of the boomers who 'don't understand' pronouns, rich people who can't say no to a flight to London for 20 euros, or someone from a conservative background who has been given all kinds of racist views. 

Of course, it is important to better understand the people who disagree with you. You need to be able to see where their arguments are coming from in order to better refute them, but too often it is underestimated how much energy this takes. If you never even get to speak from your own perspective, but always have to try to make the other person feel comfortable. When you always have to show understanding for an opinion you disagree with. While often the other party, whose opinion you want to change, has absolutely no understanding for your story.

Especially when it comes to topics that can really affect people, LGBTQ+ empowerment, discrimination, racism, xenophobia. All kinds of different forms of exclusion that hurt people every day. If you fight against exclusion, it is dead exhausting to have to constantly sympathise with the opinions of racists, homophobes, etc. People who want you to be expelled from the country or treated differently from white Dutch people. Who prefer you not to be visibly yourself or just openly deny your existence. 

Yet this is often expected, especially in TV debates, activists often have to dig through the dust to prove that they understand where racism comes from, that they understand that the changes around gender inclusivity are hard to follow, that they understand that meat is just really tasty. Forcing people to approve of the other person's opinion immediately puts their own argument 1-0 behind. After all, if you understand why people from white backgrounds are more likely to be racist, why should they have to adapt? 

So let us show some understanding for the activists, for the people who want to change the system or society. After all, they do not have infinite patience and they too may make their point once without understanding the opponents. So the next time someone makes their point without nuance, maybe you should put yourself in their shoes. Now that is showing understanding.